I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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