I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
