New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
