Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
