How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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