FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
