so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
