the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
