I think i sorta joined a cult last night
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
