There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
wow bdsm is so cute
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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