dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I wear drunk well.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
