..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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