i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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