I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
