It's like a parade of train wrecks.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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