i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
