I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
