Having a random hookup so left but love u
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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