saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
