Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
