I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
