Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just want nice things and good sex
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
