That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
