Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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