i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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