Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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