you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
