Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
