Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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