Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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