My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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