He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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