She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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