if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
