we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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