Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
