I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
he quoted the bible to break up with me
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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