white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
