too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
