Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
