nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I want to fling myself into the sun
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
