You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
