you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
