you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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