pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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