Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Are we still banned from the library?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
