i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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