I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
