he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
