she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
