I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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