What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
